


(Everything I Do) I Do It For You

by Little_oblivion



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst, Blackmail, Cheating, F/F, Panic Attacks, Weddings, and by that I mean ANGST, but there is smut, there is not a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:28:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24706840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_oblivion/pseuds/Little_oblivion
Summary: Sometimes things don't work out the way you wanted. Sometimes you have to sacrifice the one person you want most to keep them safe.-Emily finds Lindsey on the night before her wedding
Relationships: Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett
Comments: 10
Kudos: 47





	(Everything I Do) I Do It For You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> I'm back at it, writing the angst, ruining lives, breaking hearts, but this time, in a Soran fic
> 
> I love you all. I hope you're happy and healthy, and staying safe.

It’s been a busy day, jam packed with activities, pulling the last few tasks together. Her mom has been flitting around like a butterfly, aglow at the thought of her baby getting married. Lindsey smiles through it, the same smile she’s learned to be able to pull out on command for interviews and pictures.

Finally, the rehearsal dinner is done. The out of town relatives retire to their rooms. The bridesmaids want to sneak her out for one last drink (Kelley’s idea, no doubt) but she begs off, insisting she needs as much sleep as possible for tomorrow.

She’s back in the room she’s sharing with her mom. She listens as she talks and talks and talks, practically beaming with happiness. Her dad and brother stop by, each wanting to give her a hug before going to sleep. Her dad’s voice is gruff, trying to hide his tears. Her brother holds her close and whispers in her ear “You could always back out, y’know.”

She pulls back with a forced laugh that sounds hollow. “And give up the lemon buttercream wedding cake? No way.”

She and her mom change into pajamas and crawl into the large king size bed. Her mom reaches across the expanse of downy pillows and comforters to cup Lindsey’s cheek. “I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with you. And now my baby girl is getting married. Can you believe it?”

She shakes her head with a little smile. “No. No, I can’t.”

Her mom gives her a wide smile. “Get some rest, honey. Tomorrow is going to be a big day! I love you.”

She echoes the sentiment and the lamps are turned out. Her mom falls asleep almost immediately, soft snores filling the room. Lindsey lays on her back, staring at the ceiling. She already knows that sleep will be hard to win tonight.

She waits and waits, watching the shadows shift around the room, until the anxiety she’s been pushing down all day is suddenly in her throat, choking off her air supply. She sits up in bed, easing out of the bed so as not to wake up her mom, and tries to suck in a deep breath. It gets caught in her throat, refusing to fill her lungs, and she jams her feet into her slides, puts the room key in her pocket, and sneaks out of the room, not stopping to put on a bra or a jacket.

Out in the hallway, the fluorescent lights are discombobulating, and she finds herself weaving from side to side, hands reaching out for the walls as if drunk. She catches a glimpse of the emergency exit sign and throws her weight against the door, scrambling down the stairwell.

She finds herself on the curb outside of the hotel, the hotel where everyone she knows and loves is gathered, sleeping peacefully, excited to watch her marry the man of her dreams tomorrow.

What a load of bullshit.

Her breaths are coming too fast, her chest aches, and she’s sure this how she’s going to die. She wishes that she wasn’t alone, that she had someone to hold her and promise it would be okay, but at the same time she’s glad no one is seeing this. She can’t let anyone know how close she is to losing it.

Suddenly a pair of blue eyes are staring back at her, a broad, pale mouth moving as if speaking but Lindsey can’t hear anything over her own heartbeat. She knows those lips. She dreams about them.

“Em?” she rasps out.

“Are you okay? What happened?”

“I ca- I can’t, oh my god how did it get to this? Fuck. I can’t-“

“Linds, calm down. You’re having a panic attack. Can you do some breathing exercises with me?”

Slowly but surely, she follows Emily’s lead, just like she always has, always trusting her no matter the situation.

Soon she’s calmer, although she’s still hiccupping through little sobs.

“Lindsey what happened?”

She avoids her eyes. “It’s... fine. Just a case of pre wedding jitters. It happens.”

“I don’t think that’s what this is.”

“Em, I can’t-“

“You can tell me anything, Linds. You’re my best friend.”

“He knows.” The words slip out before she can stop them.

“Knows?”

“About you. About us. In France.” She watches as Emily pales and shakily sits next to her.

“Oh shit. He... he just found out? Oh god, is he canceling the wedding?”

Lindsey shakes her head slowly; her eyes focused a stray ant making its way across the pavement. “No Em. He’s known for a long time. Before we even got engaged.”

“Then... I don’t understand. Why are you crying if he forgave you for making a mistake?”

She jumps to her feet, staring down at Emily as anger washes through her. “He hasn’t forgiven me! He’s so fucking mad at me he can barely function, but breaking up with me would mean relinquishing his hot pro athlete fiancée! Would mean accepting that his life isn’t perfect! So instead he proposed, and we’re getting married tomorrow, and he’s going to spend the rest of his life punishing me for what I did.”

“Linds, I’m sure... y’know once he gets some space-“

“Space?” Lindsey wants to scream but she settles for a laugh. “He’s not getting any space from it. He talks about you while he fucks me.” She has to bite her lip to stop herself from crying again when she sees the look on Emily’s face. “I couldn’t... come, after what happened with us. And then once I confessed to him, he realized that was why. So when we’re in bed, he asks if you did this, or touched me like that. Asks if I’m picturing you while he’s fucking me. And I can’t even be mad at him because I am.” Her voice cracks but she pushes on. “I’m picturing you because I never stop thinking about you. Because you weren’t a mistake. You never could be.”

“Lindsey... you’re not thinking clearly. You’re gonna wake up tomorrow and you’re going to marry him. You love him.”

“Says who?” she asks earnestly. “Says him? Says my parents? Says the world?”

“Says you, Lindsey!” Now Emily is also on her feet, her cheeks reddening. “You agreed to marry him, you did that!”

She shakes her head. “I... he asked. And what was I supposed to do?”

“Say no! If you didn’t want to marry him then you should have said no!”

“I couldn’t! Not when I, when I’d already cheated on him. Every time I look at him, my stomach aches. I’m so overcome with guilt that I can’t eat, can’t sleep-“

“Then you shouldn’t do this.”

“I don’t have a choice.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s going to tell everyone!” Lindsey yells. “He promised me that if I were to leave not only would he tell everyone that I cheated on him, he would tell everyone that it was with you. He won’t just ruin my life, he’s going to ruin yours. And I...” her voice cracks again and she swallows hard against the tears. “I can’t let him do that. I won’t. You’re too important.”

“I- I’m a big girl, Lindsey. I can stand up for myself,” Emily insists.

“No. I can’t let him hurt you.”

“He already has.” Lindsey can barely bring herself to look at Sonny, let alone meet her angry gaze. “Him destroying you, destroying our friendship, that hurts me. Finding you half a second from hysterical outside of your hotel? That hurts me.”

“I fucked up, Sonny. I hurt him. I can’t just erase that.”

“So… what? You’re going to sacrifice your life, your happiness for him? Newsflash, he doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve you.”

She gives a strained laugh. “I know. No one deserves this. No one deserves for me to hurt them, but it seems like that’s what I’m best at.”

“No, that’s not what I meant-”

Lindsey cuts her off. “Are you saying I didn’t hurt you?” Emily opens her mouth to answer, but she can’t. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

“Linds, you’ve gotta think this through. You can’t marry him.”

She presses her palms into her eyes, as if that could stop the tears that so desperately want to fall. “You’re not listening to me, I have to.”

“I don’t care what that asshole wants to tell people-”

“Really? You really don’t think you’ll mind when you’re being called my mistress, my chick on the side, by all of the trashy tabloids? You can handle your family, your coaches, your teammates, fuck, all of your fans, looking at you and knowing that we had sex in a hotel room in France while all of our teammates were celebrating winning the World Cup? That’s how you want people to know about us, that’s how you want to be outed to the public?”

“If it’s that or watch you marry someone who you can’t stand-”

“Have you even come out to your parents yet?”

Emily stands there, looking wounded for a moment before spitting back, “Have you?”

Lindsey shakes her head, grimacing. “I fucked everything up, huh. Everything is just…” she takes half a step closer to Emily. “I shouldn’t have told him. As soon as we got home, I should have ended things, generic explanations, and he would have moved on. But instead… And now he hates me. But he’s marrying me. And… and you hate me, and I’m never going to get you back.” The tears start again, any last vestige of a wall falling.

Emily’s arms are around her, holding her close, stroking her hair, offering comfort she doesn’t deserve but she accepts it, clutching at the person she has spent so long missing. “I don’t hate you, Linessi. I could never hate you. You have to know that. And I didn’t go anywhere…” she trails off and Lindsey nods into her shoulder, knowing what she’s thinking.

“I pulled away. I shut you out.”

“Yeah.”

“I… I didn’t want to. It’s just… he would get so mad, anytime your name came up. And I was so tired of fighting, tired of apologizing.”

She turns her head slightly, her lips near Lindsey’s ear. “Has he ever hit you?”

She snorts through her tears. “Are you kidding, I would beat the shit out of him.”

“I know, I just…” They stand there for a few minutes, clinging to each other shamelessly. “Maybe we should go inside.”

The thought of returning to that room with her mom sleeping soundly, dreaming of the day to come, makes her want to vomit. “I can’t, not yet, please. I don’t want to wake up my mom. I won’t be able to explain-”

“Not back to your room. Just inside, out of the cold.”

“Orlando’s made you a wimp,” she mumbles against her shoulder, and it makes Sonny give a huffy laugh. She lets herself be guided inside but keeps her head down, terrified that even though it’s two am, at any moment they might run into a cousin or a former teammate, or god forbid her fiancé. She doesn’t even realize where Emily is taking her until the door has shut behind her.

The hotel ballroom looks incredible. Her parents hadn’t spared a single expense for their little girl’s big day. Every surface is bedecked with flowers, spilling gracefully onto the white tablecloths. The whole thing makes her want to throw up.

“You’re still shaking,” Emily tells her.

“I just can’t believe I’m getting married tomorrow. Today. Whatever.”

“You don’t have to.” Emily’s voice is soft, almost lost among the drapes of luxurious fabric hanging from the ceiling. “You can back out, it’s not too late.”

She shakes her head. “I won’t let him destroy you.”

“But what about the future? You’re going to spend the rest of your life being miserable with him? As a penance for one night? What about when you have kids?”

“I won’t.” Her voice is strong for the first time that night. “Not with him.”

“You’ve always wanted to be a mom,” Emily whispers.

“Well we can’t always have what we want, can we?” She peeks over at Emily.

She meets Lindsey’s gaze straight on. “You’ve always had me. All you had to do was ask.”

Lindsey takes several steps forward, trying to distract herself from crying once again. “That’s where we’ll sit at dinner,” she says, gesturing. “And you and the rest of the bridesmaids will be right there. That table will have the cake.” She points to the middle of the room, where there are no tables. “And that’s where we’ll take our first dance as husband as wife.” Her voice is as lifeless as she feels.

Emily walks forward until she is standing in the spot where Lindsey just indicated, then reaches out a hand. “May I have this dance?”

They dance, hand in hand, cheek to cheek, swaying back and forth in the silent room. Lindsey can’t stop herself from wandering if, in another universe, maybe a different lifetime, it’s Emily she’s marrying in just a few short hours. The thought makes her pull back slightly, gazing deep into Emily’s eyes, then lean in for a kiss.

In fifteen hours, she’s officially a wife, for better or for worse. The vows have been said, the rings exchanged, the smile faked for everyone watching.

_As she kisses Emily in the near darkness, one hand finds it’s way into her hair, the other onto her lower back, pulling her ever closer, until they are so close Lindsey’s sure that Emily must be able to feel her pounding heart._

Dinner is served. Everyone is handed chicken or fish, depending on what they ordered. Lindsey can barely choke down more than a few bites and when her mom points it out, she playfully blames it on the tightness of her dress.

_She isn’t sure how they wind up on the floor, both sinking to their knees before Lindsey is hovering over Emily, still chasing her lips, but now her hand is beneath her tee shirt, caressing the skin of her stomach, making her way up and under her sports bra until her fingers find her nipples, pulling a gasp from Emily’s mouth._

They cut the cake. He feeds her a bite, and she searches his eyes, wondering if part of him regrets any part of this. She resists the urge to slam his entire face into the cake.

_Emily pulls her oversized sleepshirt over her head, tossing it to the ground and moaning appreciatively when she realizes that Lindsey isn’t wearing a bra. Then her lips are skating across the exposed skin, licking at the hollow of her throat, nibbling on her collarbones as if she might just eat her whole, and for one insane moment Lindsey wishes she would._

People give speeches. Perhaps this is the hardest part, listening to people talk about their love, about their potential. It’s everything Lindsey can do not to crawl beneath the table in her five thousand dollar gown and take refuge in the white linen walls, blocking out what feels more like a sentencing than the happiest moment of her life. Perhaps that’s because the happiest moment of her life has already happened on a hotel balcony in France, a medal against her chest and her best friend’s lips against hers, giggly from champagne and drunk on victory.

_Their legs slot together naturally, and by the time Emily manages to pull her shorts down, Lindsey is embarrassingly wet. But the way Emily looks at her, her eyes shining in the little light coming from the windows, like Lindsey might be worth something, might be something to cherish, to revere, makes her unashamed. She wants Emily, wants her in a way that she’s never wanted anyone else._

The DJ announces that it’s time for the first dance, and he takes her hand, leading her onto the floor.

_She flips them, unable to wait a single second longer to have Emily’s taste on her tongue. She kisses down her body, pushing Emily’s joggers down as she goes. She mouths at the crease of her thigh before ghosting her tongue across Emily’s clit, earning a sigh and a hand in her hair._

She doesn’t look at the table where all of the bridesmaids are sitting. She can’t do it.

_Emily comes with a soft, prolonged moan, her body quivering against Lindsey’s mouth and her thighs trembling around her ears._

He takes her hand and she places the other on his shoulder as if on autopilot. He smiles at her. She smiles back.

_Lindsey is on her back, and Emily lets her fingers ghost over her center, teasing as if Lindsey isn’t already dripping onto the shiny wooden floor beneath them._

The music begins, a cover of an old Brian William’s classic. Mike had teased her for the choice but she had fought for it. She knew what other people would hear, but she knew what it meant in her heart.

_Emily presses one finger, then another deep inside of her and Lindsey feels something close to complete. Emily’s mouth finds her ear. “I love you. God, Linds, I love you so much. I really do and I would do anything-” she cuts her off with a kiss._

“Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for, you can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for, you know it's true, everything I do - I do it for you,” the singer croons. Lindsey places her head on his shoulder and looks across the room for the first time. Her eyes are drawn, as always, to Emily, and when she sees her standing between Kelley and Sam in her midnight blue bridesmaid’s dress, she almost can’t breathe. Sam has an arm around Emily’s shoulders, and maybe Lindsey’s reading into it, but it seems as if it might be the only thing holding her up.

_“Em, I’m… oh fuck…” she pants, her body already jerking as it begins to tighten._

_“Come for me, Linds. Come for me, baby.”_

_“Fuck, Em, fuck!” Her back arches off he floor, and she comes hard around Emily’s finger, stars bursting behind her eyelids. She clutches her close, holding onto her for dear life._

They sway back forth, slowly turning and twirling, only one of them aware that mere hours ago Lindsey was laying in this exact spot, someone else in her arms, crying out someone else’s name, overcome with the type of love you only experience once in a lifetime.

_“I mean it, Linds. I love you. I would do anything for you. Including letting him say whatever he wants to about me.”_

_Lindsey presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth, that special place that always seems to be smiling, except maybe right now. “I know you do. And I know you would. That’s what makes me love you so much. And that’s why I can’t let him tear you apart. And y’know…” Tears have wormed their way back into her voice. “You’ll probably find someone else. Someone who gets it right, from the very beginning. Someone who isn’t scared. Someone who treats you right.”_

_“I don’t want anyone but you,” Emily whispers, finally giving into exhausted sobs._

_Lindsey pulls her into her chest, letting her have her chance to cry. “I know, baby. But this is for the best.”_

_“This will kill you, Lindsey.” The words are spoken so bluntly that it almost makes her weaken her resolve, but she swallows thickly._

_“Maybe. But you’re worth it. You really are. And if I ever made you feel like you’re not-”_

_“No, Linds-”_

_“Emily.” She says her name insistently, needing her to listen. “I’ve already made the choice. I won’t see you destroyed. I love you too much.” She holds her until the chill is too much and they reluctantly have to put their clothes back on. Emily walks her back to the bridal suite, both of them shaking but not from the cold._

_“I really do love you,” Lindsey whispers into her hair._

_“I love you, too.”_

“And let’s have one more round of applause for the happy couple!” Lindsey pulls her eyes away from Emily to look back at the man that is now her husband. He leans down and kisses her.

The happy couple.

Happily ever after.

Until death do they part.

Amen.

**Author's Note:**

> Let's chat on tumblr, @thetheatrelady


End file.
